Sunday, January 31, 2010
An Uneasy Rest
The night before last night, I had someone whisper to me all night long, and I couldn't get NOT one damn wink of sleep almost! There I was in the bed laying there and I kept hearing my EX-friend's voice saying her name over and over! Now, because she's an EX-friend, I woulda checked on her and tried to make sure that things were okay with her, but I can't because of all the drama and bullshit I been through in the past because of her! She, at one point in my life, made me feel like I was a terrific friend, great confidant, and a great person to be around! Now that I've stopped dealing with the drama that's been happening with her, I feel free of craziness and mess! I feel as though I'm still a terrific person inside and out, but also a person that has been through enough, and will NOT go back through the kind of mess and bullshit I've been through with her ass! Don't get me wrong, at that time, I loved and coulda worshipped the ground she walked on, but I just can't do it anymore! It got to a point that I couldn't trust my own judgement because of something she woulda said to me... She would lie constantly about shit that was too small, and try her best to make me believe her! Thank God I didn't fall for it, but I was constantly tested like that with her, and on top of things, she was only a friend -- or so I thought! I had no idea as to how many people she lost as friends because she uses them, and treats them like shit, too! In a way, I wanna call and check on what's going on with her, but in the same breath, I also just wanna NOT care this rip! So, Peace and blessings to you all and my best advice, if you have someone that's been treating you the same way, then your life will be much better without them (the person, or people that's making your life a living hell) in it!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Feeling and Seeing Trouble Before, and After it Starts!
Hey Yal,
As you all know, or may know, I've had a couple of family issues that kept me from blogging and getting the word out about how things are going! Now to tell the truth, I got sloppy, lazy and thought of this as a chore, and not really put forth more effort than I really should have to keep going at it... SORRY folks! But, since this is a new year, and I'm trying to do better at Doing, and NOT just saying that I'm gonna DO! I feel that I can take my time and not rush into anything too fast now... SOOOOOOOO, Here goes!!!!
In November, If I didn't tell this story, I'll tell it again to re-aquaint us with all the great details. My cousin fell ill and had to be institutionalized for a short time, Very Brief time rather! He began a downward spiral into this bottom-less pit of pain and misery that many of us don't come back from! To further explain this tale, my cousin experimented with a couple of drugs that messed up his mind. As a result of the drugs, he lost it! His mind was so far gone that he was on a level of his own with shear craziness! Now, here's where I come in... That morning I awoke with Lady Ga Ga in my head singing Paparazzi! At the time, I didn't quite know what the Hell was happening and what was really going on, but I knew it had something to do with my cousin and his friend. It wasn't until I got to the hospital where my cousin was being held that I realized that he, and his friend was up all night acting and singing Lady Ga Ga songs, and flipping the FUCK out, literally! Now, the cousin's friend is just fine, and my cousin is held in the institution losing his DAMN mind! All of this was from drugs he took, and the chasers he mixed with the drugs. As we sat at the hospital waiting for word from the nurses, or anyone that could give us some absolution that he'd be okay, my mind began to wander and backtrack the events that possibly led him to the hospital. I began to see the dancing, singing, and playing around the night before, and I also saw that he kept bothering his sleeping boyfriend! My good ole' cousin wanted his boyfriend to get up and play with them, dancing, singing, and such... Then, my mind flashed to the events of that morning, before the police arrived, and hauled him to the back of the patrol car for showing out - in front of the PO-PO, then to an ambulance for treatment at the local mental facility. Now, at the hospital again, we wait as the psychiatrist tell us "NOT" to be an enabler for my cousin and start telling him, NO! We should mean what we say, and not give in to his tandrums if we trully want him to get better! At that time, I thought and kinda read her gestures as she stood there telling us about this 22-something year old-ass, grown MUTHAFUCKA, that's clearly making his own decisions as to how he wants to live his life! The anger was there, but I didn't let her have it! Instead, I cried, because she told us that we couldn't see him for 24 hours, and there was nothing that I could possibly do to fix this besides pray, and wait on the LORD to deliver us from this craziness that's taken over our lives, at this point and time! Hurt and sad, YES!!! As the next morning approaches, my dreams have alerted me that my cousin has been released from the hospital, and is on his way home in his little black car! My mom called and woke me up as I told her exactly, "Ma, dat boy done been released and is in his car heading back home...!" My mom asked how I knew and I told her, "I just know!" Of course, Later on that night, when my sister and I left the house to check on him, I learned just that and more. Everything I said he did, the night before, was true, and how he acted with the police was true also! In the end, my cousin is a lucky man to be alive, and just around the corner, we'll see how lucky and blessed he trully is!
...Nite all!
As you all know, or may know, I've had a couple of family issues that kept me from blogging and getting the word out about how things are going! Now to tell the truth, I got sloppy, lazy and thought of this as a chore, and not really put forth more effort than I really should have to keep going at it... SORRY folks! But, since this is a new year, and I'm trying to do better at Doing, and NOT just saying that I'm gonna DO! I feel that I can take my time and not rush into anything too fast now... SOOOOOOOO, Here goes!!!!
In November, If I didn't tell this story, I'll tell it again to re-aquaint us with all the great details. My cousin fell ill and had to be institutionalized for a short time, Very Brief time rather! He began a downward spiral into this bottom-less pit of pain and misery that many of us don't come back from! To further explain this tale, my cousin experimented with a couple of drugs that messed up his mind. As a result of the drugs, he lost it! His mind was so far gone that he was on a level of his own with shear craziness! Now, here's where I come in... That morning I awoke with Lady Ga Ga in my head singing Paparazzi! At the time, I didn't quite know what the Hell was happening and what was really going on, but I knew it had something to do with my cousin and his friend. It wasn't until I got to the hospital where my cousin was being held that I realized that he, and his friend was up all night acting and singing Lady Ga Ga songs, and flipping the FUCK out, literally! Now, the cousin's friend is just fine, and my cousin is held in the institution losing his DAMN mind! All of this was from drugs he took, and the chasers he mixed with the drugs. As we sat at the hospital waiting for word from the nurses, or anyone that could give us some absolution that he'd be okay, my mind began to wander and backtrack the events that possibly led him to the hospital. I began to see the dancing, singing, and playing around the night before, and I also saw that he kept bothering his sleeping boyfriend! My good ole' cousin wanted his boyfriend to get up and play with them, dancing, singing, and such... Then, my mind flashed to the events of that morning, before the police arrived, and hauled him to the back of the patrol car for showing out - in front of the PO-PO, then to an ambulance for treatment at the local mental facility. Now, at the hospital again, we wait as the psychiatrist tell us "NOT" to be an enabler for my cousin and start telling him, NO! We should mean what we say, and not give in to his tandrums if we trully want him to get better! At that time, I thought and kinda read her gestures as she stood there telling us about this 22-something year old-ass, grown MUTHAFUCKA, that's clearly making his own decisions as to how he wants to live his life! The anger was there, but I didn't let her have it! Instead, I cried, because she told us that we couldn't see him for 24 hours, and there was nothing that I could possibly do to fix this besides pray, and wait on the LORD to deliver us from this craziness that's taken over our lives, at this point and time! Hurt and sad, YES!!! As the next morning approaches, my dreams have alerted me that my cousin has been released from the hospital, and is on his way home in his little black car! My mom called and woke me up as I told her exactly, "Ma, dat boy done been released and is in his car heading back home...!" My mom asked how I knew and I told her, "I just know!" Of course, Later on that night, when my sister and I left the house to check on him, I learned just that and more. Everything I said he did, the night before, was true, and how he acted with the police was true also! In the end, my cousin is a lucky man to be alive, and just around the corner, we'll see how lucky and blessed he trully is!
...Nite all!
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Happy New Year ...
Happy New Year Everyone ....
This year, I plan on seeing more and focusing more on how I can help people and not just seeing and feeling the otherside so much! I thank and enjoy each and every one of you for reading this, and wish you all a safe and very prosperous new year this year!
This year, I plan on seeing more and focusing more on how I can help people and not just seeing and feeling the otherside so much! I thank and enjoy each and every one of you for reading this, and wish you all a safe and very prosperous new year this year!
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